An 84-year-old man came in with a nosebleed. He was upset and said to the nurse, “I’m bleeding to death! Get a doctor in here to give me a shot of coagulant!”
A 42-year-old woman came in with her jaw jerking from side to side. She said this had never happened to her before and she was unable to control it. When her jaw was closed, she claimed that she couldn’t breath though she was passing air through her nose with no problem. All of her symptoms went away after she was given some Valium.
An 18-year-old man came in after having had a seizure. When he woke up, his only complaint was pain at three sites: a recently applied tattoo, a newly place nose ring and where the IV was in his arm.
A mother brought her 10-year-old daughter in for vomiting. Her main concern was that her daughter might be sick from radiation fallout from the Japanese tsunami-induced nuclear reactor melt down. As I tried to reassure her, she gave me that fearful, “you must be an idiot” look I have seen so many times when my patients (or their mothers) refuse to take my reassurances.
A 22-year-old Vietnamese man was hit in the face and cut with bottle. He had dark blood on his face and in his ear. It turned out he had no injury and the “blood” was teriyaki sauce.
A 79-year-old woman came in with constipation. She was given an enema, which resulted in a bowel movement, which, she said, was “bigger than having a baby.”
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