Seven Short Crazies

What? Me? Stabbed?

A 27-year-old woman said she woke up in bed with 9 stab wounds. She said she had no idea how she got them.

 

Fire!

A 55-year-old man with schizophrenia who had stopped taking his medicines tried to start a fire in the emergency department lobby in order to burn himself to death.

 

Make That a Cracker Sandwich

A young woman said she was unable to swallow pills. She asked for two crackers. She put the pill between them, making a pill sandwich, which she ate.

 

Call me John

I introduced myself to a middle-aged man. “Hello. I’m Dr Tad. Are you Mr. Smith?” He looked at me but didn’t say anything. Rather, he presented me with a well-worn 3 by 5 inch piece of cardboard, edged in black electrician’s tape, on which was written, “Do not call me Sir or Mr.” He refused to say anything to me until I agreed to his demand. He wouldn’t say why he refused to let himself be called Sir or Mister.

 

Pen or Pencil?

A 43-year-old man who complained of suffering from “delusions” stabbed himself in both temples simultaneously with a pen and a pencil.

 

That’s Not Your Penis

A 29-year-old man came in with cuts on his hand from punching a wall. He said that when he went to urinate, a female voice in his head said, “That’s not your penis. That’s my penis.” This made him mad so he slugged the wall.

 

You Never Know if You Might Get Pregnant

 

A 30-year-old woman had a hysterectomy soon after giving birth. Four years later, she was pumping her breasts daily to keep the milk coming in case she got pregnant in her abdomen.