A Written Medical History

Written by Tad. Posted in Kooks

When I approached a fifty-year old woman and asked her why she was had come to the emergency department, she handed me this note:


abdomen very swollen

intense pain lower left abdomen below belly button

area sensitive to touch

low grade fever usually it runs btw 95.4 to 96.8, highest reading 100.08

occasional nauseasness

every bone, hair, fingernail and all other parts of body in pain, moving is painful and slow

sharp shooting pains in random places on body, back, elbow knuckles toes, knee, etc.

severe cramps from gas and burps

starving but can’t eat

severe headache

disgusting taste in mouth and brushing isn’t helping

tounge all white and I brushed twice


hot flashes

no medications taken other than occasional vitamins and asprin rarely

no smoking

no drugs

drink about a bottle or 2 of wine a month and/or 1-5 mixed drinks

avoid processed foods but not a perfect diet

drink 1-5 sodas per month and mostly as a mixer

do you have a good old fashioned manual thermometer I could have, just broke mine!

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Comments (4)

  • Charley


    What was the prognosis?


  • Sandy


    Yes, don’t keep us in suspense.


  • Travis


    We’ve been waiting on your prognosis for a while on this one, Tad. Ante up.


  • Tad


    Sorry to disappoint you but there is no more to the story than that. It just points out how strange people are and what kind of strange situations I have to face from time to time. What knows what was wrong with her, if anything.


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