Category: Kooks

Last week, I talked about “Chief Complaint” and gave an example of a list of complaints from a Vietnamese woman. As it so happens, I had a patient this week from Guatemala who presented me with a similar list of complaints. After introducing myself, I asked her why she was there. She then talked for…

When evaluating patients in the emergency department, we start with what is called “The Chief Compliant.” This is what the patient says is wrong, usually a symptom. Sometimes, that is very straightforward: “I fell and twisted my ankle” or “I have chest pain.” Based on the chief complaint, we ask more questions, do a physical…

I have been called a lot of names while caring for patients in the emergency department. Many of them are too rude to repeat here and have been hurled at me by people who were chemically impaired. I always ignore these insults. Even in 2015, I am still sometimes called a hippie. I am never…

A 40-year-old woman presented saying a man attacked her earlier in the day. He pulled her legs, kicked her back and cut her with a knife on her arms, legs and chest. Most of the time, when a woman comes in after being assaulted, she is pretty upset. In this case, my patient was upbeat…

A twenty-two-year-old woman was brought to the emergency department by her mother for “uncontrollable eye movements.” The patient said, “Every time I close my eyes, my eyes will roll back in my head and I can’t stop them from moving.” She also had uncontrollable twitching all over her body. This had been going on for…

A 35-year-old man came in saying, “I’m losing sperm every day.” He said it was because he was masturbating too much. He said he masturbated so much he was unable to get an erection any more. He masturbated so much he vomited. This was causing him to lose strength and he felt like something was…

As a parent, I realize what a difficult job parenting is. Yet, at the hospital, I often see people who are clearly making bad parenting choices. Here are a couple of recent examples:   Twelve-Year-Old Girl with Discharge The mother brought her twelve-year-old daughter in with a foul smelling vaginal discharge. There is really no…

A two-day-old baby who was brought to the emergency department for being “fussy.” As a newborn, the baby had been discharged from the hospital only 5 hours before. This was record-setting! He was my youngest patient ever (except for those I personally delivered.) He was also the patient with the shortest time from hospital discharge…

Trying to avoid arrest for drug possession, some people will swallow the evidence. The police bring these suspects to the emergency department because it is well understood (to everyone except the suspects, I guess) that this can be dangerous. Recently, I had just such a patient. He was twenty-four-years-old and had swallowed small plastic bags…

Cursed to Die A 41-year-old woman came in complaining of feeling weak, unable to walk, having a dry mouth and slipping into unconsciousness. All of these symptoms started soon after a man named Bob told her that someone in New York had cursed her to die. Though she said she was unable to talk or…