Enzyte

Fair warning: not G-rated.

My patient of the week was a sixty-five-year-old man. He was thin and disheveled. Though it was  the middle of the night, he wore  huge sunglasses that covered his regular glasses. He kept peering out over the top of both of them to look at me as we talked. My interaction with him just amazed me. I think the best way I can do it justice is to  reproduce the nurse’s note, exactly as she wrote it:

Presents with complaint of pain under left shoulder blade, coughing up grey sputum, pain in penis and general weakness for six days. States he was seen in clinic a few days ago and given codeine cough syrup that doesn’t feel it’s helping him. States he’s been using Enzyte, the male “natural” enhancement drug ordered from TV for 1½ months and feels it may be causing his issues with his penis. States he went to a “Party Place a few nights ago where they have little holes in the wall and was able to obtain an erection and received oral sex from another guy and maybe that’s where I caught something on my penis.”

This is right out of the nurse’s note. I can’t make up things like this.