Steven Colbert does a segment on his “A Late Show” that he calls “Meanwhile.” It is a collection of little news items, too small to stand alone as a story on his show. Here is another little “Bad Tad Meanwhile.” A little fact about a patient where there is no more information available or it doesn’t matter. Just weird encounters in the emergency department.
A 19-year-old came in with discomfort in her vagina. She said she had used her mother-in-law’s “old douche bag.” She said she was afraid her nephew, who had been playing with the bag earlier, put marbles in it. She was afraid she might have marbles in her vagina. Her husband checked her, feeling for a marble earlier today. He said, “There is something up there that doesn’t belong there.” I removed a cat-eye marble from her vagina.
A 50-year-old man came in after a three-foot-long board was dropped onto him. The board had a nail sticking out of it, which was stuck into the scalp on the top his head. He had walked to a neighborhood fire station where the medics were called. They transported him with the board carefully secured in place. I just pulled it out.
A 37-year-old man stepped on a screwdriver that went clear up through, poking out the top of his foot.
A 15-year-old was brought in by ambulance after being hit by her 10-year-old sister with a can of Pringles.
A 26-year-old female presented at 6:00 in the morning complaining of being weak and tired after being up all night drinking whiskey at a party.
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Well, if nothing else, being an ER physician gives you plenty to talk about if you ever get stuck on an elevator with someone. In fact, they might not want to be rescued, but might just sit there enthralled like the lady on Forrest Gump who misses bus after bus to hear more of his stories.